Exam’s Answer Sheets(funny)

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IT HAPPENS ONLY IN JAPAN….

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Marriage

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Funny Car Crash

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Desi Phatta

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The Leave Applications

See , how people write leave Applications.

It's murder of English language. But Too Funny.

Just Read It.

The Leave Applications; )

· Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."

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· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."

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· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."

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· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."

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· Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"

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· An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."

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· A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

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· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."

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· Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

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· Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."

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· Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

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· Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

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· A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.

Here are some funny reasons why we Indians cannot be terrorists:

1. We are always late; we would have missed all 4 flights.


2. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.


3. With free food & drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're There


4. We would ALL want to fly the plane..


5. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.


6. We can't keep a secret; we would have told everyone a week before doing it.


7. We would have put our country's flag on the windshield.


8. We would have postponed the mission because a cricket match was going on that day

9. We would all have fallen over each other to be in the photograph being taken with one of the hostages.

JOKE

Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor in India and said:



Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period.



Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board.



Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only



Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings.



Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only...



Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.



Man: I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first:



Doctor: OK. Tell me.



Man:

I sleep like dog thinking about my work load whole night.

I get up in the morning like a horse

I go to work running like a deer

I work all the day like a donkey

I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.

I wag my tail in front of all my bosses

I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.

I am like a rabbit before my wife



Doctor: are you a Telecom Employee?



Man: Yes!!



Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in the beginning itself that you are a Telecom Employee. Come man, no one can treat you better than me.

Accident

What do Girls do after a Bad Car Accident ???????



Turn off the ignition?





NO







Get away from the car in case it explodes?




NO









Call 911 on her cell phone?





NO
















Can you imagine her 1st action...... ......... ......... ......... ......... ...

How to Make a Women Happy!!

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:


1.. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a phsiotherapist
15. a gynaecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24.. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes









HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. One Small Smile

detectives....lol

A policeman was testing 3 brothers who were training to become
detectives.


To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the
first brother a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?"


The first brother answers, "That's
easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman
says, "Well...uh.. . that's because the picture I showed is his side
profile."



Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for
5 seconds at the second brother and asks him, "This is your suspect, how
would
you recognize him?"



The second brother smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,


"What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are
showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer
you can come up with?"



Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third brother
and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you
recognize him?



He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The brother
looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears
contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he
really


doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an
interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and
I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office,


checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming
smile on his face.



"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact
lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation? "



"That's easy," the third brother replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he
only has one eye and one ear."